Tributes to Harold

Dear Harold,

The first time I met you, Harold, was when I entered the class of 6.9 in 2015. You were sitting at the second row, in the middle. You didn’t say very much, but very soon, I found out you were a curious young man who loved to learn new things, open and humble, and not at all awkward when talking to me, your TOK teacher. In fact, you have become very comfortable in relating to me, often, before TOK lessons, you were waiting outside the classroom along the corridor to greet me with your big wide smile. Yes, how could I ever forget those days?

You were a young gentleman, cheerful, full of zest for life and had big dreams ahead of you.

Then came the news that you were hospitalized and were unable to take the IB exam at the end of the year. 

We all thought that you would come back very soon to continue your studies. 

But you didn’t. 

your name was on the class list but after a couple of weeks, you couldn’t come back and joined the class. Finally you could only come to meet up with your various subject teachers to have special sessions at your convenience, when you were physically able to do so.  I met you a couple of times to work on your TOK essay. You always looked cheerful and smiling when we met.  We sat at the bench outside the DD office and we discussed the essay. You were always hopeful, no hint of giving up and always looking forward for better days ahead of you. You shared with me your plans to study overseas. You talked to me your trip to Australia, and your church mission trip. You were having such a fruitful life. 

Finally you submitted your essay and it was a good essay – you got a B for your effort. I was so happy and proud of you.

Then I heard that you were accepted by the King’s College in UK.  But before that you wanted to go through NS, and wanted to be a pilot.   You even managed to pass one of the stringent tests and all prepared to go through the tough 2-year training.

But you never did. 

It must be very frustrating to say the least, when you just about to look forward to realize your plan and then, you have to stop and change plan.  But your Dad told me that you never gave up, yes, you were discouraged and frustrated, who wouldn’t?  But you never gave up your hope, your life.  You kept on fighting.  In the midst of all these, you remain cheerful and joyful. Teachers who have visited you at your home and in the hospital said that you were still full of energy, able to share jokes and laugh. Harold, you are such a fighter!

Most importantly, you never grew bitter towards God, indeed, your faith grew stronger, as you walked even closer to God and found comfort in His words as the day went by. You went out to serve others both in your church and overseas as you went for mission trip, sharing the goodness of God and the Gospel of Christ, while you were fully aware your own condition. You went about living a full life while you were in and out of hospital, and as you shared in your testimony, you went through ‘7 cycles of chemotherapy of 22 treatment, 28 sessions of radiotherapy and stayed in the hospital for more than 90 days throughout 45 weeks’! 

Harold, it is an understatement to say that you were a brave young man.  I can’t imagine how much pains and discomforts you have gone through, and on top, you have to endure your emotional strains.  You must have gone through so many emotional and spiritual roller coasters. So many times, you were all ready to move on to the nest stage of your life, but in the last minutes, your physical body was just too weak to allow you to move on. 

Who could ever truly know the frustrations you had gone through?

But you were not defeated.  Never.

You came back to share your testimony to the whole school during a Monday chapel.  I was sitting at the upper gallery but half way through I came down and stood at the backstage to see you share with confidence and conviction (the second photo attached). You were physically weak but you held on.

I wanted to meet you after the Chapel but you had to go off because you were not feeling too good.

I whatsapped you and asked you to send me a copy of your testimony.  You gladly did so.  Then I called you to ask whether I could bring you out for a cup of tea and to have spent some time with you during the June holiday (which was just one week away). You said, ‘Yes, of course.’ You sounded so cheerful, just like the Harold I know so well.  

But we never met. 

I went to see you when you were in Gleneagles.  I held your hand, your eyes were closed. I told you ‘Dr Tieh is here’, you moved. You nodded. You tried to say something but you couldn’t. 

I went to see you again on Sunday 10 June.

So many people were there. I just managed to see you for less than 5 mins.  You were sitting up on your bed, both eyes closed with your mom by your side holding on to your hand. You breathed slowly but steadily. 

Harold, what is in your mind?  I could only pray that you were experiencing His perfect peace in your heart even though you were suffering physically.  

It was heart breaking to see you in such a stage. That cheerfulness, exuberant spirit, smiling face – where are they now? 

Standing there watching you, I couldn’t but ask the question that I had asked so many times but no answer. The question that would never go away, as long as we are living in this physical body which will deteriorate and suffer as time goes by. 

The question which nevertheless, I will continue to ask : God, why do you allow such pain and suffering  in the life of such a fine young man who loves you and trusts in your goodness, mercy and grace? 

People suffer from sicknesses and pains as they grow old, this I accept and understand. But why Harold? Why a 21 years old young man who has the whole future waiting ahead of him?

God, do you have an answer for me?

Then I remember what you shared in your testimony: “As His disciple, I believe God did not set this up and it is not God who wanted it to happen but He permits it to happen. I continue to remind myself it is not asking why this happens to me but keep my faith in Him, reminding myself who is with me when I navigate through this storm of life. “

You have gone through so much but you didn’t grow bitter towards God. You kept your faith in your most difficult time, and your total submission to God’s plan for you deeply touched my heart as you shared.  

This young man of 21 years old knows what it truly means to have faith in God and what it takes to submit to His will.

Then  the message came in the morning 13 June at 0835, I broke down. 

Harold, you finally have left us. The Lord has come to bring you Home.  You have gone to be with the Lord forever, I am happy for you because you have no more pains and sufferings, not anymore.  Never again. 

But O, how I miss you, Harold.

Your smile, your cheerfulness, your inner strength, your hope and mature faith, Harold, you have taught me far more than I’ve taught you as your teacher. Indeed, you were my teacher.

You have taught me how to have a positive attitude and always believe a better tomorrow even in the midst of going through all the medical procedures, checks, radiotherapy and chemotherapy, and even when you know your condition was deteriorating.  That is your unwavering faith in the goodness and faithfulness of God.

You have taught me that I have to make full use of the time God has given me, and to continue to plan for the future even though I may not be sure of what will come next, and indeed, even when all seems to fall apart.  That is faith in action.

You have taught me never give up but always hope.  It is our hope in the almighty God, hope that He has His perfect plan for each of us even though His plan for us may be so different from our own plans. It is this hope that keeps us going, day after day. 

That day when you came back to share your testimony to the whole school, you stood on the stage facing the whole school, with the Senior Admin, staff and students sitting there listening to you, totally captivated, even among the Year One students whose attention span usually lasts for less than 3 minutes. They saw you, not much older than they were,  stood confidently behind the rostrum and shared with conviction and strength. 

But only later I heard from your father that you were in great pain.  You certainly didn’t show it. You were so brave, Harold.

Harold, I know you are listening. I know you are in a far better place that this earthly dwelling place. You can certainly remember our school motto : The Best Is Yet To Be!  Well Harold, your waiting is over now.  You have received what you have hoped for. You  are now in the BEST place, there is no better place than heaven when you can meet God face to face, when you can now hold Jesus hand and say to Him, ‘Jesus, my Lord and Saviour, my Comforter and my Confidante, finally I get to see you face to face!’  Paul said, ‘Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest is Love.’ Yes, Harold, now you are with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, you don’t need faith and hope anymore, but love remains, and it will remain forever because God is love. Yes, what a blissful and perfect picture it is, as you submerge and lost in the wonder of God’s Love.  

I will see you again one day, Harold.